Making Room for the Sun : Chapter One

A Short Story

JAKE:

“Go without me,” I told Tim. “I’ll fly up to Boston on Tuesday and take the ferry.”

We’d been planning the trip for nearly a year; Tim had been to Provincetown before. I hadn’t. The plan had been to drive there together, until my boss insisted I stay behind to finish a project. We couldn’t change the Airbnb reservation, so I told Tim to go on ahead without me, and I’d get there as soon as I could.

This was going to be our first vacation together as a couple. Tim was like a little kid waiting for Christmas, so I let him plan everything. He’d even posted a few shirtless selfies on Instagram with the caption Countdown to Ptown. When I mentioned how loose and low his shorts seemed to hang, he said, “It’s Ptown, babe!” Looking at his Instagram, I wondered if he thought we’d finished the conversation we had a week ago about opening up our relationship. We definitely had not. But I didn’t say anything.

The first two days he texted me constantly about the gay beach, drag queens, photos of lobster rolls, and the boat slip. Then yesterday afternoon: nothing. When I called him last night, he didn’t answer, and this morning, when I called him to tell him I’d be arriving on the 1:00 ferry, it went to voicemail. By the time the ferry pulled into Provincetown Harbor, I’d convinced myself he’d probably lost his phone. I was relieved when I saw him waiting at the end of the pier. Then I realized he wasn’t alone.

I stepped off the gangway and into Tim’s arms. “Babe, you made it,’ he said. He kissed me like we’d been apart for weeks, not three days. When we pulled apart, he didn’t let go of my hand.

“Jake…” he glanced at the man standing beside him. “There’s someone I want you to meet.”

I looked over for the first time. If I had to describe “Ryan” in one word, I couldn’t. He was taller than me, which wasn’t something I noticed often. A faded Red Sox T-shirt stretched across a thick chest and arms that obviously came from lifting weights. A mop of dark hair fell carelessly over his forehead. His eyes were an impossible blue that settled on me as though I’d arrived halfway through a conversation that he and Tim already had. I reached out to shake his hand, but he ignored it and pulled me into a hug instead.

“So you’re Jake.” He leaned in close enough that only I could hear him. “Now I can see why.”

As we walked to our Airbnb, Tim turned to Ryan. “Come out to dinner with us tonight.”

“No.” Ryan must have noticed the puzzled expression on my face. “You and Jake should spend his first night here by yourselves.”

TIM:

I’m glad Jake’s finally here. The past three days had been nothing like I expected. Ryan had insisted tonight should be just Jake and me. He was right, of course. I dreaded the conversation waiting for us after dinner. I never told Jake that Ryan messaged me after seeing my posts on Instagram. As it turned out, he was going to be in Ptown the same week we were. I knew Jake would be uncomfortable knowing my ex was going to be here, and I’d convinced myself it didn’t matter anyway. Just because Ryan knew I’d be here didn’t mean we’d run into each other.

After we left Ryan, Jake and I walked back to the condo we’d rented for the week. He didn’t say much. As soon as he unpacked, he changed into a tank top and shorts, and went for a run.

“I’ll be back.”

I didn’t ask where he was going.

At dinner that night, Jake was still quiet. I talked enough for both of us, pretending not to notice that he was mostly pushing food around his plate. Eventually, I ran out of things to say.

Finally, he looked up from his beer. “Tim?”

“Yeah?”

“How do you know Ryan?”

I set my fork down. “He was my brother’s best friend. That’s how we met.”

“And?”

I avoided looking Jake in the eyes. “We were boyfriends for a while.”

Jake nodded once, staring at his plate. “You never told me.”

“I know.”

“Did you know he’d be here?”

“Not until he saw my Instagram posts.”

“Did something happen before I got here?”

I looked down at my hands. “If I lie now, I’ll lose you anyway.” I swallowed. “We slept together.”

Jake looked at me for a long time. He reached for his beer and finished it. Finally, he nodded. “I’m going for a walk.”

“Jake.”

He stood and said, “I’ll see you back at the condo.”

I wasn’t ready to be in another relationship when I met Jake. I was still so hung up on Ryan that I barely noticed the people standing in front of me. But I knew who Jake was. He captained the men’s volleyball team, and I’d overheard enough conversations to know plenty of people thought he was hot. And they weren’t wrong. I thought he was out of my league, and he looked like someone I should’ve been afraid to talk to, but when he smiled at me the first time, I was smitten.

Jake and I never talked about being monogamous; we just were. He was everything I needed him to be, and I never cheated on him until two nights ago.

My crush on Ryan started when I was in the 9^th grade. He was my brother Jesse’s best friend, and two years older than me. Whenever Jesse let me tag along, I did. I even joined the swim team because Ryan was on it. At first he’d drive me home after practice. Then he started taking the long way home. The first time we had sex was my first time. We did it in the backseat of his car. After that, we found ways to be alone every chance we could. Nobody knew, not even Jesse. I told myself I’d get over it when he left for Penn State. Instead, I followed him there. I mistook what we were doing for something more, something it wasn’t. I didn’t know the difference. I was fifteen when it started, and I’d never been with another guy.

JAKE:

I had no idea where I was going. I just wanted to get as far away from the restaurant, away from the noise of Commercial Street, away from the voices around me. I found a narrow path that led to the beach. I sat in the sand and stared out at the water. I heard the footsteps before I heard my name.

“Jake?”

I turned. Ryan.

“Are you okay?” He looked genuinely concerned. “What are you doing out here? Where’s Tim?”

I laughed. Not because anything was funny. I was face-to-face with the man Tim cheated with, and all I could say was, “Go away.”

He didn’t. He stood there for a moment before lowering himself onto the sand a few feet away. Neither of us spoke. The tide crept closer, hissing over the sand before slipping back into the dark.

Ryan let out a heavy sigh. “He told you.”

“Yeah.”

He stared out at the water. “I went after him. He didn’t come looking for me. I’m sorry.”

I kept looking out at the water. “He could have said no.”

When I walked into the condo, Tim looked at me with tears in his eyes.

“Jake, I’m—”

“Don’t. Not yet.”

He nodded. I dropped my key on the counter and stood there. Suddenly unsure what I’d come back to say. “I saw Ryan.”

Tim looked up.

“He found me on the beach.”

“What did he say?”

“That he came on to you.”

Tim said nothing.

“He could have stripped naked and climbed into your lap. You still could have said no.”

“I know. But I didn’t.”

That was the first thing Tim said all night that made me want to believe him. “If you wanted to sleep with other people, you should have talked to me. We agreed that if we ever decided to be open, we’d do it together. I don’t know what happens now, Tim.”

His eyes filled again.

“But I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

He nodded again.

“For now, that’s all I’ve got.”

TIM:

That night in bed, I expected Jake to turn away from me. Instead, he pulled me against him and slowly stroked my back. I rested my head on his chest and listened to his heart. For a while, I let myself believe that nothing had changed. I reached for him. Jake caught my hand and brought it to his lips. “Not tonight,” he whispered. He kissed my fingers and held me closer.

The smell of coffee woke me, and I realized Jake wasn’t next to me. I pressed my hand to where he’d been sleeping. It was still warm. I pulled on a pair of shorts and found Jake in the kitchen making breakfast. He hadn’t heard me. I stood in the doorway for a moment, watching him move around the kitchen in a pair of my boxers, and felt such a rush of love for him that it hurt.

“Good morning.”

He turned and smiled. “Morning.”

It wasn’t forgiveness. I knew that. But it was enough to make me believe we were going to be okay.

Since it was Jake’s first visit to Ptown, we rented bikes after breakfast. We bought sandwiches from Pop + Dutch and rode out to the beach. There was still so much we needed to talk about, but for a few hours we were just Jake and Tim again. Until I heard someone call my name behind us. I looked over my shoulder and saw Ryan. My front wheel veered off the road, and I went down hard on my ass.

“Jesus, Tim.” Jake dropped his bike and grabbed my arm, pulling me up. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

Ryan stopped beside us. Aiden pulled up behind him, looking slightly bewildered.

“You sure?” Ryan asked.

“I’m fine.” I brushed the dirt off my shorts and looked at Jake. “We should go. Jake got us reservations at The Mews.”

“Nice.” Aiden smiled at Jake. “We haven’t met. I’m Aiden.”

Jake wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead and adjusted his sunglasses. “You guys should come with us.”

I looked at Jake. Ryan did too. “Seriously?”

Jake shrugged. “Why not?”

“Because Aiden and I can’t afford a place like that,” Ryan said.

“Then dinner’s on us.”

Ryan looked at me, and then Jake. “That’s very generous, but we couldn’t let you do that.”

Aiden laughed. “Speak for yourself, dude.”

“Jake…”

He looked at me. “It’s fine, Tim.”

As soon as we got back to the condo, I asked Jake if he was sure inviting Ryan and Aiden to dinner was a good idea. He took two beers from the refrigerator and handed me one.

“Sit down.”

I did. “Jake, I’m—”

“Let me say what I need to say, okay?”

I nodded.

He sat beside me, but didn’t say anything for a while. I don’t know what I expected him to say. I’d broken a promise, and worse, I’d broken his trust. Finally, he took my hand.

“I don’t want to lose you, Tim.”

I looked down at our hands.

“When you brought up opening our relationship, I shut you down. I wasn’t ready. I avoided talking about it, even knowing you wanted it.”

“That doesn’t excuse what I did.”

“No. It doesn’t. You could have told me you weren’t willing to wait.”

“I know.”

“We can’t pretend you and Ryan... but I don’t want what happened with him to make this decision for us.”

JAKE:

I didn’t ask Tim if Ryan was the only other guy he’d been with. His answer wouldn’t have changed anything. What happened had happened. We were going to have an open relationship. I had no idea what that looked like. Maybe we’d make rules. Maybe we’d break some of them and make new ones. Maybe I’d discover I wasn’t as comfortable with any of this as I wanted to believe. But I knew what I didn’t want. I didn’t want to lose Tim. He was still sitting beside me, watching my face, like he was waiting for something to happen.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

I knew better. I reached over and touched his cheek. “C’mere.” He leaned into me, and I kissed him. Not because I’d forgotten what he’d done. I hadn’t. And not because one conversation had somehow fixed us. I kissed him because I wanted him, and because I loved him. Because whatever came next, I wanted it to keep us together.

We stumbled toward the bed. Tim slid back against the pillows, lifting his ass and shoving his shorts down, taking his underwear with them. His cock stood hard and thick. I dragged my tongue down his chest and abs, then along the length of his cock. My tongue had mapped his body into my memory a long time ago. The sound he made was desperate and needy. He rolled me onto my back and curled his fingers into the waistband of my shorts, tugging them down.

“I love you,” he muttered as he licked the precum from the tip of my cock. He lifted his eyes, wet and glassy with arousal. “I need you to fuck me.”

I pulled him to the edge of the bed and pushed his legs back. I stared at his perfect pink hole, knowing another man’s cock had… knowing Ryan had fucked him. I worked his ass open with my tongue and fingers. I crawled between his legs and grabbed the lube off the nightstand. I coated my cock and pushed in. Slowly. Carefully. His legs wrapped around me, his hands gripping my shoulders. The bed creaked under us. The slap of skin on skin and the sounds he made filled the room. I leaned down and kissed him.

Tim shattered first with a muffled cry against my shoulder, his cock erupting between us. I followed seconds later, unloading deep in his ass. We collapsed, sweating and tangled together.

Tim turned on his side to face me. “Jake?”

“Hmm?”

“Why did you invite Ryan to dinner?”

To be continued.