Cloverleaf : Chapter Nine

Part Three :Aberlour

August 7, 2024 ▫ Cleveland Institute of Art ▫ Cleveland, Ohio

Zach checked his watch. Four o’clock was close enough now that every minute felt deliberate, like someone choosing not to call.

“Did you need something?”

Ethan was standing there, just inside the doorway, like he’d been there a second longer than he should have.

“You left your phone down in Cassidy’s office,” he said. “I brought it up.”

Zach turned the phone over in his hand, then set it face down on his desk.

Ethan didn’t move. There was always that half-second where it felt like he was waiting for something.

Ethan Schardt. Twenty-seven. Six-two. Cornflower-blue eyes, devoted, handsome, and hardworking. He was the type of guy every mother wished her daughter or son would bring home.

Zach turned the phone over in his hand. Still nothing.

“So, where were you?”

I was talking to the new tech guy.

“You’re supposed to be working, not flirting with IT.

Ethan nodded. “Is everything okay?”

Ethan’s eyes flicked to the phone, then back to Zach.

“I’m expecting a call,” he said. “That’s all.”

“From who?”

Zach met his eyes, just long enough. “It doesn’t matter.”

Ethan nodded again. “Okay.”

Zach exhaled, softer this time. “Can you come with me to my condo and take Jasper out? I’m running late. Pete and I can drop you at your place on the way to the restaurant.”

“He’s coming in tonight?” Ethan asked.

“Yeah.” Zach was already reaching for his keys.

Peter was somewhere on the road now, driving up from Kentucky. By the weekend, they’d all be in Sandusky for Ben and Karl’s wedding.

When Zach and Peter first met, it didn’t look like this. A year later, they were as together as the three hundred miles between Cleveland and Shawhan, worn down by routine allowed. Even the occasional jab about the thirteen-year age gap had lost its edge.

▫ ▫ ▫

Zach’s phone rang just as he and Ethan stepped into the condo. He tossed Jasper’s leash to Ethan, then he slipped into the bedroom and closed the door.

“Hello?” He listened, still, one hand braced against the dresser. The director’s voice was measured. She made him an offer. The Johnson Museum. Cornell.

Zach closed his eyes.

“Yes,” he said. “Thank you. I…” He stopped himself. “Could I have a few days to think about it?” He checked his watch again. It was nearly five-thirty. “Yes. I appreciate it.”

He stripped off his clothes and stepped into the shower. He closed his eyes to the beads of water, hitting him hard enough to drown his thoughts.

Cornell. Ithaca. A different life. Peter.

He pressed his palm to the tile, steadying himself. He wouldn’t make that decision alone. He rinsed off and reached for a towel. Fuck! The towels are still in the dryer.

“Ethan?”

No answer.

He yelled louder, “Ethan!”

Naked and dripping wet, he ran down the hall, colliding with Ethan as he came around the corner. The impact knocked them both off balance. Zach grabbed for him, and they went down hard, catching each other more than breaking the fall.

For a second, neither of them moved.

Ethan’s hand was on Zach’s back. Too familiar. Ethan didn’t let go. He brushed his fingers against the patch of sparse, soft hair at the small of Zach’s back. Zach looked at him. That was the mistake. Ethan’s hands traveled down to Zach’s naked buttocks. His grip tightened, just slightly. Zach didn’t pull away. Ethan lifted his head and pressed his lips against Zach’s.

Footsteps. The door.

“Shit.” Zach grabbed for the wall, jumped up, and disappeared down the hall.

Peter stopped just inside the doorway. He didn’t need to see much. Ethan was still on the floor, breath uneven, one hand braced behind him.

Peter crossed the room and offered his hand. “You okay?”

Ethan took it, letting himself be pulled up. “Yeah.”

Peter brushed at the front of Ethan’s shirt, then stopped. “Hold on.” He nodded toward the hallway. “I’ll grab you a towel.” He turned and headed down the hall.

Zach’s bedroom door was half open. Peter pushed it wider, then kicked it shut behind him. His hand found the front of Zach’s shirt, already working the buttons.

The shirt came open under his hands and dropped to the floor. “We’re going to be late.”

Zach’s hand came up, catching Peter’s wrist. “Ethan’s still here.”

Peter didn’t move. “I know.”

▫ ▫ ▫

Ben and Karl were already at the restaurant when Peter and Zach arrived. A bottle of Bollinger followed them to the table. As soon as it was poured, Peter raised his glass.

“For Karl and Ben. May you fall in love many times, always with each other. And for Karl’s EP, getting eight thousand listeners on Spotify in its first month.”

“Eight hundred and twelve,” Ben said, reaching over to muss Karl’s hair. “Eight thousand eight hundred and twelve.”

Karl smiled, ducking his head.

“I’ve got a question,” Zach said. Who decided you should be called Markwald?”

“I did.” Karl shrugged. It felt right.

Zach nodded, then turned to Ben. “Any trouble getting here?”

“We jumped on the Green Line from downtown, Ben said. “Karl knows his way around here. He showed me the apartment building he used to live in.”

Zach stilled. “Yeah.”

Karl looked up at him.

“Every time I pass it,” Zach said, “I think about Ted…and you.”

Peter glanced between them. “Who’s Ted?”

Ben’s hand paused on the table. “You never told him?”

Karl shook his head.

“It’s okay,” Peter said. “You don’t have to--”

“Todd,” he said finally. “His name was Todd.” Karl let out a breath. “He and Kaitlyn lived upstairs.”

The waiter hovered. Peter lifted a hand without looking at him. “Give us a minute.”

Karl watched the waiter go.

“We were like a little family,” he said. “I’d be up there on Saturdays. Kaitlyn would cook. We’d play a game after or end up on the bed watching a movie.”

Ben’s hand found Karl’s.

“Todd and I...” Karl looked down at Ben’s hand.

“Hello, Houdini.” Ten thick fingers closed around Zach’s shoulders. Zach spun around, accidentally knocking over a glass of water.

Zach shook off JD’s grip. “What are you doing here?”

Luckily, the waiter reappeared with a towel to soak up the water, sparing Zach from anything more than first-name introductions and strained conversation. Only Peter commented on JD after he walked away. “So that’s JD.”

After the last plate was cleared, Zach checked his watch. “It’s not even nine o’clock. Let’s get out of here and go back to my place for a drink.”

Ben got up. “I’ll be right back. I need the men’s room.” Ben saw JD follow him out of the corner of his eye. JD stepped up to the urinal beside him and pulled out his cock.

“Ben, right?”

“Yeah.”

“You wanna get out of here?” JD said. “Go back to my hotel?”

Ben didn’t look over. “Why would we do that?”

“Not your friends. Just you.”

“What makes you think I’d want to?”

“The way you were looking at me out there. And there’s this.” JD smacked his cock against the palm of his hand. Seven inches. Hard. Thick. Flushed.

Ben looked at him. “Not interested.”

“Your dick says otherwise.” JD wrapped his hand around Ben’s cock, already hard.

Ben stepped back. “That’s enough. Somebody could come in.”

“I locked the door,” JD said. He dropped to his knees and pushed Ben’s pants and boxers down. He licked the head and slid his mouth around Ben’s cock.

“Stop,” Ben said, pulling up his pants.

JD got to his feet. He ran two fingers through the precum leaking from his cock, and stepped in closer. Their eyes met. He pushed the fingers between Ben’s lips.

“Schofield Hotel,” he said quietly. “East Ninth. Room 1102. I’ll wait.”

Ben dried his hands, still watching him. “I don’t much like you.”

JD smiled, just slightly. “All the better.”

Ben slid back into his chair like nothing had happened. Zach gave him a sideways glance. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” Ben reached for his glass. “Fine,” he said, too quickly.

Peter was saying something about the band, or the drive, but Zach only caught pieces of it. His attention kept drifting toward the bar. JD was still there. Leaning against it now, like he belonged. Talking to someone, but not really. His eyes landed on Zach. Zach looked away first. When he glanced back, JD was looking past him, at Ben. Zach reached for his drink and found it empty. “Let’s get out of here,” he said, already reaching for his wallet.

▫ ▫ ▫

When they arrived back at the condo, Zach was surprised to find Ethan still there. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. I wanted to wait until you got home. Jasper acted like he wanted company. So I ordered a pizza. I could crash here tonight if you want to go out with your friends.”

“That’s sweet, Ethan. Thanks, but we’re just going to stay in and have a drink.”

Peter threw his arm around Zach. “Join us for a drink, Ethan. We’ll get you home after.”

“Whiskey okay?” Zach said. My boss gave me a bottle of eighteen-year-old Aberlour.”

Ethan sat down on the couch beside Peter. “I’ve never had Aberlour before,” he said, taking a cautious sip.

Peter leaned into Ethan’s ear. “It’s just whiskey with an attitude.”

Ethan huffed a quiet laugh.

For a while, the conversation stayed light-hearted. Zach offered a few apologies about JD, then let it drop. No one mentioned Todd.

Peter noticed that Ethan seemed hesitant to join in, so he poured him another drink and sat back down beside him. “Are you from here, Ethan?”

“No. Orem, Utah.” He hesitated. “I grew up LDS. My parents left the church when I was sixteen, and we moved to Akron. I worked part-time for a general contractor and went to Wooster College. That’s where I met Zach. Art history.” He glanced over at Zach. “His class was hard to get into.”

“I wonder why,” Peter said.

Ethan laughed under his breath. “Yeah. A lot of people were trying. I was one of them.” Ethan took another sip, then kept going. “I didn’t think he noticed me. Not really.” He shook his head, half-smiling. “I did everything short of bringing him an apple.”

Peter glanced at Zach.

“And then I walk into the interview at CIA,” Ethan said, “and there he is.” Zach’s fingers found a loose thread on his sleeve.

Ethan stared into his glass. “He hired me. But he still didn’t...” Ethan let out a heavy breath.“…not the way I wanted.”

“And now, here you are drinking whiskey with us,” Peter said, resting a hand on Ethan’s knee. Even though Ethan was a little nervous or drunk or both at the moment, he was holding his own in this tightly knit group of friends. But, after seeing Zach and Ethan scrambling on the floor earlier and watching Ethan talk about Zach tonight, Peter saw something else. An itch that needed scratching. He thought about Jace, his old bandmate, and pining for him all those years they were on tour together. A fire should never burn that long.

Ethan stood. “I should probably get going.”

A quick glance at Zach. “I’m still watching Jasper this weekend, right?” He looked back at Karl and Ben. “It was really good seeing you, Karl. And…” he smiled at Ben, “meeting you.”

“C’mere, bro.” Ben reached out and pulled Ethan into a hug. “It’s not about having what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got.”

Zach grinned at Ben, mildly astonished.

“Don’t look so surprised, Chernin. I’m not just a pretty face with a big dick. You should come to visit us in Shawhan, Ethan. You and Karl have a lot in common.”

Karl smiled at Ben’s drunken affection toward Ethan, knowing where the invitation to come and visit them would likely lead.

Zach walked Ethan out to wait for the Uber. “Are you going to be okay getting home?”

“Yeah. I think I said too much tonight.” A small, embarrassed smile.

“For what it’s worth, Zach said softly, “I did notice you. Back at Wooster. I just--”

Ethan shook his head gently. “It’s okay.”

The car pulled up. Ethan stepped in, then leaned back out and kissed Zach lightly on the cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Peter poured another round after Zach walked Ethan out. “He says no, but I think Ethan’s still a little lovestruck.”

Ben tossed back his drink. “That boy is man candy.” A small grin. “Are the three of you--”

“No,” Zach interrupted.

“Why not?” Ben leaned back, unfazed. “It hasn’t stopped you before.”

“Jesus, Ben.” Zach’s jaw tightened. “That was different.”

Ben glanced between them. “I’m just saying he’s clearly into both of you.”

Ben looked at Karl, a realization finally breaking through. “I just… I didn’t mean…”

Karl’s hand closed over Ben’s thigh. “Okay, bad boy,” Karl said quietly. “Time for us to go. He glanced at Zach. “Sorry.”

▫ ▫ ▫

Peter put Ben and Karl in an Uber, then he and Zach took Jasper out for a walk.

He slipped his fingers through Zach’s and asked him if he wanted to talk about JD.“

“I’d rather not.”

“What’s the story about Karl and this Todd guy?”

Zach hesitated. “I’ll tell you—but don’t say anything to him. He doesn’t talk about it.”

Peter nodded. Jasper tugging ahead.

“They got involved,” Zach said. “Todd was married.”

Peter glanced at him. “Kaitlyn.”

“Yeah. She walked in on them. She dragged Karl into the hallway. Beat the hell out of him. Karl would never hit a woman, so he didn’t even try to defend himself.”

They continued walking, Jasper stopping every few feet to lift his leg.

“A neighbor called the police. When they got there, Karl was outside his door. Naked. Bloody. His clothes were still in their apartment. Keys, phone, everything. They cuffed him and took him to the ER. He stayed with me for a while after that. When he went back, they were gone. Just…gone.”

Peter said nothing.

“A few weeks later,” Zach said, quieter now, “Todd killed himself.”

“Oh, my God.”

Zach nodded once. “They were in love with each other,” he said.

Peter looked at him. “That must have wrecked Karl.”

“He was inconsolable when he found out. He moved to Nashville a few weeks later.”

Peter and Zach walked in silence for a few blocks before Zach spoke.

“Cornell called today. They offered me the job.”

“Congratulations, baby. Did you say yes?”

“I said I needed time. That I had to talk to you. I don’t know what to do. What happens to us?”

Peter didn’t answer right away.

“There’s a place,” he said finally. “Outside Ithaca. I gave the broker a deposit when I was in New York last week.”

“I don’t understand.” Zach stopped. “Why would you do that?”

Peter met his eyes. “I know we still need to talk it over, but we could build something there. No more distance.”

“What about your ranch?”

“We’ll figure it out. Ben and Karl might want it.” Peter took a deep breath, then, “What did Ben mean when he said it hasn’t stopped you before?”

“I didn’t want you to know,” Zach said quietly. “I was spending a lot of time with Karl and Ben that winter. After you left.”

Peter looked down at the sidewalk. “What exactly don’t you want me to know, Zach?”

“I slept with them,” Zach said. “More than once.”

Silence.

“Okay, Peter said. You’re not still…?”

“No.”

“Is that all?”

Zach squeezed Peter’s hand tightly. “Tonight wasn’t the first time that JD’s been around recently.”

Peter kept walking with his head down, focused on where he was putting his feet.

“Say something, Pete.”

“Is he still in your life?”

“No.” Zach swiped at his eyes.

Peter let go of Zach’s hand. “You sure? If he is, you can tell me.”

“He’s not, and he never will be again.”

“Okay,” Peter said. “Can we talk about Ethan?”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“I think there might be. It looked like I walked in at a bad time this afternoon.”

“Nothing happened.”

“So what if it had?”

Zach stopped. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying you should figure out what that is. There’s nothing wrong with how he feels.”

Zach’s jaw tightened. “Except I don’t have feelings for Ethan.”

“It’s not like it just…goes away,” Peter went on. “Being around other men. Wanting things.”

“If you want to have sex with somebody else, go ahead. You and Ethan seemed pretty chummy tonight.”

“Stop. We’re not doing this.”

By the time they got back to the condo, neither of them was saying much. Inside, Peter caught Zach by the shirt and pulled him in. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Ethan’s none of my business. You are.”

Zach held his gaze. “It sounds like you’re trying to push me into something.”

“I’m not. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to hide things from me.”

Zach didn’t answer.

“I want to be the one next to you.” Peter’s hand stayed where it was, at Zach’s chest. “I miss you when you’re not there,” he said, quieter. “Most nights, I fall asleep thinking about you.” Zach’s shoulders eased slightly. Peter slipped the buttons of his shirt open, slower this time. “But tonight…” he said, almost to himself, “you’re here.”

▫ ▫ ▫

Ben was quiet on the ride back to the hotel—just an “Oh” when Karl said, “Pete doesn’t know about those weekends Zach spent with us,” and an “Mm-hmm” when Karl asked if he was okay. When they got to their room, Ben followed Karl in and closed the door behind him.

“Karl, we need to talk.”

“Is everything all right?”

“No. I don’t know if we should do this.” Ben sank down on the edge of the bed. “If we get married, it might change things. Us. I love you, but I don’t think I can promise to be all yours.”

“I thought we worked that out a long time ago. If I’m wrong about that, you should tell me now.” Karl took a deep breath and steadied himself. “Is there someone else?”

“No.”

Karl’s eyes met Ben’s. “Then what is it?”

“JD followed me into the men’s room at the restaurant and came on to me.”

“Oh.” Karl paused, unsure of what to say. “And?”

“I told him I wasn’t interested. But I was.”

“What are you trying to say?” Karl’s voice was gruff.

“He’s staying in this hotel. I was…I wasn’t going to tell you.”

Karl backed away from Ben. “Were you planning to hook up with him?”

“I thought about it. I wanted to.”

“Is that it?”

Ben dropped his head and exhaled a heavy, “No. A couple of weeks back, when you and Pete went to Memphis, I drove Tyler up to Cincinnati to see the guy he’s been dating. It got late, so I stayed overnight, and…we fooled around.”

Karl’s eyes hardened, and his arms folded over his chest. “You and Tyler?”

Ben nodded. “Yeah. And his friend.”

“Is that another thing you weren’t gonna tell me?”

“We’ve only been apart for two days since you moved to the farm. You’re about to go out on tour for a month.” Ben sounded defensive. “I don’t know that I can promise not to hook up with someone while you’re gone.”

“I never asked you to promise me anything.” He held Ben’s eyes. But it sounds like you’re okay keeping things from me. We said we’d always be straight with each other. If you can’t do that, we shouldn’t get married. Because we won’t last.”

“Do you still want to marry me?” Ben said.

Karl didn’t answer right away. The room went very still. “I think I should be asking you that question.”

Ben didn’t say anything.

Chapter 10 Coming Wednesday